


In Your Arms

by Lirillith



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst and Porn, Episode Related, Free! Kink Meme, M/M, Masturbation, Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-06 08:47:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3128438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lirillith/pseuds/Lirillith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru knows what he wants.  He just doesn't think he can have it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Your Arms

**Author's Note:**

> From the kink meme: "Haru masturbating while thinking about being caressed and fucked by Makoto, about sucking Makoto off, about Makoto whispering to him things and 'i love you'-s, desperately wanting to be with his best friend."
> 
> Set post-episode 11.

_"Haru-chan." Makoto sounds like he always does, cheerful, happy to see him, and Haru takes the offered hand — warm and dry and strong, like it always is — and lets Mako pull him up. But this time he puts just a bit more force into his side of it, and when he surges out of the water he lets himself stumble and fall into Makoto. He hears Mako's sound of concern, consternation, and he grabs at Mako to steady himself._

_It takes a breath or two, but when they realize he's stable, that's how they're standing, with Haru's hand and head against Mako's chest, Mako's free hand on Haru's elbow, and their right hands still clasped between them._

_He can feel Mako's heart thumping. His own should be pounding to match it. He lifts his head to look at Mako's face, so close to his own; his eyes flick between Mako's eyes and his lips. Mako's looking at Haru's mouth, too._

_"Haru... ch—"_

_"Don't call me -chan," Haru says, and kisses his best friend on the lips._

_The kiss lingers, and when he pulls back, Mako's eyes flutter open; they look into each other's eyes for a breath or two, silent, and then Mako kisses him again, deeper, but still slow and sweet, the only way he can imagine Mako kissing. Haru's arms go around him, and he can feel Mako's hand in his hair._

Of course they'll have to get Mako out of his uniform now that Haru's gotten it wet. Haru can usually get as far as loosening Mako's tie, undoing a button or two, getting him good and sexily tousled, before his brain starts skipping and freezing like a scratched DVD. The desire to relish every second spent undressing Mako, every centimeter of Mako's skin, is at war with the way he's trained himself to share showers and locker rooms and pools with Mako without constant awkward erections. He does know what Mako looks like naked, though, which is more than he can say for other parts like "what kissing actually feels like."

So they magically skip ahead to Haru's room, vaulting over questions like "didn't we have somewhere to be, if Mako came into the bath to get me?" and they're on the bed, with Haru's hair dry enough that it's not dripping everywhere, and most of Mako's clothes on the floor. This is where he starts stroking himself, slowly, thinking about running his hands over Mako's back and chest, kissing his neck, his ears, his stomach. 

He's read that the nipples are supposed to be sensitive on men, though they don't seem to be on him. Maybe it's like tickling, a response you can only get when someone else does it. Regardless, he likes to imagine Mako crying out in pleasure at Haru's tongue against his nipple, surprised and excited; Mako's cock jumping against Haru's leg whenever he does something especially good. 

_Mako's thighs spread at his touch, and Mako's panting eagerly as Haru wraps a hand around his shaft. "Haru," he says, and Haru stops, waiting to see what he'll say, but he just repeats his name, and Haru decides that's probably permission, so he takes the head into his mouth._

_What he really wants isn't the feel of Mako's cock on his lips and tongue but the sight of Mako's face, needy and helpless thanks to Haru's hands and mouth; the sound of Mako's breathing, his gasps and cries; his voice, saying Haru's name not with concern or exasperation or his usual cheer, but with desire, need, love._

_When he's finished, Haru moves to wrap himself around Mako while Mako recovers. Haru knows the way Mako feels to the touch, the solid muscle of his legs and feel of his ribs, but it's always been from fleeting touches, celebratory hugs, bumping into each other by chance; he's never had the opportunity to just hold Mako or be held, to bask in his solidity and warmth._

_"Haru," Mako says again, but this time he continues, "I didn't know this was how you felt." He's moved around so he has both arms around Haru, one just holding him against his chest, the other running up and down his back._

_"Now you do," Haru says, because there's no reason to fantasize about being a completely different person who_ wouldn't _say something like that._

_"I just wish you'd said something sooner," Mako says, softly. "I've been in love with you for so long, and I had no idea..."_

_"You were?"_

_Mako kisses him gently. "I was," he says, and he rolls them over so that Haru's on his back and he's on top, and even though he's supporting himself with his arms, Haru can feel the weight of him and it stirs fresh excitement in his belly and cock. "I love you, Haru," he whispers into Haru's ear, and then he sits up — he's blushing over it, his face and ears pink — so he can run his fingertips down Haru's chest and stomach. He just skims Haru's erection — his turn to twitch with frustrated want — and strokes his hips and the outside of his thighs._

Haru still hasn't dared to order any actual _lube_ , not the type designed just for sex, so what he uses is a dollop of lotion on his first two fingers. The first kind he tried stung, but he's found a sensitive-skin lotion that seems to work, and a little sting isn't that bad anyway. He likes the stretching feeling, and when he manages to find the right spot — his prostate, according to biology and health class — it's even better. 

_Mako's laying next to him, propped up on one elbow, touching him; he's a little shy about actually going in between Haru's legs, let alone inserting his fingers, so Haru has to talk him into it. Mako starts with just one finger, cautious, and Haru gets embarrassed by how intently Mako's watching his face. It's hard to feel comfortable reacting when someone's staring at you like your expression's the most important thing in the whole world, so he buries his face in Mako's shoulder. "It's okay," he mumbles. "I mean, it feels good. Keep going."_

_"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you."_

_"I'm sure," he says, and when Mako slides the second finger into him, he draws in his breath sharply._

_"Haru?"_

_"It's still good," he says. "Better."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_It's only because he can't see Mako's face that he can admit, "I wouldn't even care if it hurt as long as it's you."_

_"Haru!" Mako's stroking his hair with his free hand, kissing his shoulder and jaw and any part of him he can reach, the fingers in Haru's ass more or less forgotten, which is how he accidentally hits the right spot, and Haru groans out loud, his hips jerking reflexively._

_"Also good," he manages, and he hears Mako chuckle as he turns his attention to what he's doing with his fingers, to getting that reaction again._

_Even if he didn't care if it hurt, Mako would care; he knows Mako would care more about making him feel good than about feeling good himself, and that's why Haru has to make sure Mako's getting everything he wants, too. That's why Haru finally has to stop him and say something embarrassing like "I want you inside me."_

_Mako's ready again, of course, and Haru takes his cock in hand, helps guide it in, reassuring Mako that it feels good, that it doesn't hurt, that it's okay to move. He can keep going, faster, harder. Haru figures out how to wrap his legs around Mako's waist, so he can see him, arms and shoulders and abs, as he thrusts into Haru, his eyes soft and full of love and hazy with lust._

_"Haru," he keeps saying, "Haru, I love you so much,"_ and Haru gasps, shuddering as the wave finally breaks and he comes in spurts over his hand and the wrist of his other arm, still between his legs. 

The worst part always comes after he's cleaned up, flushed the tissues down the toilet and washed his hands, when he remembers he has to go back to an empty bed, and wake up the next morning and see a Makoto who isn't in love with him; who has no idea of the perverted thoughts his best friend has about him every night. 

At least, he thought that was the worst, until they fought. Until he stumbled into his bed, hurting and furious, but feeling an electric buzz all over his body despite that; the same kind of buzz he always felt after some unexpected physical contact, with his skin still retaining the imprint of Mako's hand on his wrist, Mako's shoulders when he shoved him. Mako looking at him and not smiling; impassioned, angry, and ready to leave. Mako sounding like he was about to cry. 

If they could have kissed, the way people in dramas did when they were emotional and shouting and grabbing each other. If Mako had pulled him back and thrown his arms around him. _I want to tell you how I feel before I leave._ But it was no good. No fantasy, no ideal version of how things could have gone, would change how awful this felt.


End file.
